“When faced with one’s mortality, one tends to seriously consider one’s mortality.”- Someonestotle

I’m tired of all the rumors, let me settle this- I don’t have night vision. I found this out last night when I went for a sunset walk down along the lakeshore. [cue Mahler’s 5^th Symphony] A dull crowd of clouds became a colorful Hokusai masterpiece as the sagging sun dipped low over the water’s glassy surface.

I began the roughly 7-minute walk back up to the house as the first stars broke through the paling sky. The area is rather densely forested. Think Baron Davis’ beard. Mid-way up the unlit path I heard a rustle in the undergrowth a few yards (way less than 1000) from me. Now I know this area to be populated by a family of mountain lions; they feed on high-school boys who drive 13ft. tall pickup trucks that sound like C130s sans mufflers. (That demographic needs to turn to salt.) So obviously I was confident I’d soon be face-to-face with a famished lion.

You know how they say your life flashes before you? Well life flashed me. And out stepped a deer. A Hokusai portrait (have I used that one) of nonchalance. It was eating something (I assume human flesh), and it was so relaxed it was chewing with its mouth open. Punk. Then out stepped his mom. They both flicked up their crappy little white tails (that’s deer for the bird) and walked away. Bravely I survived the ordeal, because to quote GOB Bluth, “if anything had happened to me, I can’t imagine how sad I’d be.” [recue Mahler’s 5^th Symphony].

I love you Blahglievers. Welcome back.

And That's Why Constantine Was The First Yankees Fan

I’d be more surprised than LeBron getting dunked on by Gary Coleman if anyone seriously argued with the idea that the New York Yankees are the biggest bandwagon-fan-magnet-franchise on planet earth. A hat-surveying alien would find Yankee fans across the globe, and certainly across the U.S.

In 313 A.D. Emperor Constantine issued the Edict of Milan, which legalized Christianity throughout the Roman Empire. Prior to that, Christians had been ruthlessly persecuted by the Roman Emperors, beginning in 64 A.D. with Nero; the wacknut who makes Hitler look like a Jonas brother. How nice of Constantine, right? Except that Christianity had become accepted, indeed practiced publicly by the time Constantine made the Edict. The persecutions, intense and grizzly at first, had hugely cooled off. The Emperor noticed the rise in popularity of Christianity and however conveniently “saw a vision and converted to Christianity.” He jumped headfirst on the Christian bandwagon.

The Constantine apologist says, “Hey, he’s a Christian, his conversion was real, give him a break. He was made a Saint!”

I say, “Really? His conversion didn’t stop him from executing many of his political opponents, and members of his own family including his brother-in-law, his second wife, and his first-born son. HIS FIRST-BORN SON!!! Saint my foot.”

If the Yankees were around in 313 A.D., Emperor Constantine would have jumped on that bandwagon too.

Top Ten thoughts Derek Fisher has while throwing up a big 3 point shot.

10. Do HD cameras add 10 pounds of fat or muscle?
9. If this airballs, act like it was a pass to Dwight Howard.
8. This is gonna look sweet in slow-mo.
7. If this goes, I’m unveiling a new catch phrase. “Fresh Fish!!” No. “You can’t catch this fish!!” No…
6. Is there a hockey game on right now?
5. If we win the ‘ship, do we get to go to Obama’s house?
4. If we win the ‘ship will they give us a key to the city? It’s 2009, surely Los Angeles has keyless entry…
3. If we win the ‘ship, will they give us cars? I don’t want a Buick. Tiger made the right move getting out of that Centrum Silver-soaked contract.
2. Kobe should have taken this shot.
1. I would have so much more street cred if I just got a tat.

On Truth, Television, and Tall people

The Science Channel is my 'roids and I'm Nitro the American Gladiator.  How it's Made is my spice, and I'm a Fremen.

The TV in our office runs all day, ever present, like Eeyore's rain cloud, imparting wisdom to our subconscious.  The only two numbers you need to know when you work here are 206 (ESPN) and 284 (Science). If for no other reason that the following, I like the Science Channel: a show ran today simply called "Really Big Things," whose host was 6' 8" and 270 lbs.  That's truth in advertising, Blahglievers.

In other news, the Rockets beat my Lakers, my Yankees look as confident as the "Boom goes the dynamite" guy, and even though it's the offseason, Duke basketball is probably making a mistake. Fan-freakin'-tastic.

And that's why you should keep reading what I write.

Feels like I haven't published in the Obama era.  I won't offer a reason, I'll only say that if there was a reason, I wouldn't offer it.This Blahg's been more useless than toilet paper to a scuba diver.  But no more.  Here I make a promise to myself that this space will become more useful than a sign-language teacher's 3rd hand.

I'm thinking a lot on the NBA playoffs.  I love basketball. Pro basketball.  Sure, college basketball is fun for like 36 hours during the Spring Equinox, but it is fun like a go-kart with a flat tire: you can get the thing moving, but it's too slow and too small.  I'm working up a treatise on my sports philosophy, wherein I'll implicate myself the ultimate sports heretic, acting the apologist for (get ready) the Yankees, the Lakers, AND Duke basketball.  But that's for another day when I feel supremely confident and able to handle insults by the truckload.

For now, I'll say that I'm super stoked on the NBA playoffs this year.  Lakers look unstoppable; 'Bron is giving us one of those rare sports seasons which will appear on ESPN Classic for years to come (he's the MVP, the finals MVP, and he'll bring the O'Brien trophy to Cleveland), and those 'Amazing' commercials with the black and white, the piano music, and the slow motion are completely freakin' wicked.

In other ridiculous news, happy birthday brother Micah. Can't believe you're 17.  What the?

 

And current (far left):

'Tis the Season of sickness. Buckle up.

Make it Chain

Even in the ghetto there are social classes. I know because I've recently moved up. I, and my roommates, used to be members of the boondock ghetto. We were bottom-feeders. We performed our task, but nobody noticed. Nobody respected. We needed street cred. Bad. Yesterday we reached the tipping point. We rose above. Now we're visible. We're respectable. We're members of the chain gang. Still a ghetto social class, but now people reconize' yo. Let me show you what I mean.

Where we used to make it rain,





Now we make it chain

Capitan's log

Stardate 03.07.08 Friday
4:30pm Leave Abilene. Destination- Austin
4:35pm Restroom stop
5:00pm Gordan predicts arrival time of 7:55
7:55pm Arrival
8:00pm Seated at Chuy's
8:02pm Order food and meet our grumpy, dazed waitress
8:03pm Waitress walks away. I comment on the crappiness of our waitress, then realize her exceptional hearing ability
10:30pm 10,000 B.C.= Top ten worst films of all time
1:30am Sleep

Stardate 03.08.08 Saturday
7:00am Rise
7:45am McDonald's Drive-through
7:47am Regret McDonald's decision
7:50am Arrive at Frank Erwin Center
7:55am Do some business with a scalper
8:30am-12:00pm Go 3 for 3 in my predictions of the 1A, 2A, and 3A Championship games.
12:30pm Lunch with Bo and Marie at some garbage burger joint
2:00pm-6:30pm Predict 4A and 5A games for a combined record of 5 - 0
6:45pm-7:45pm Nap
8:00pm Rainbow Trout with a subtle Cajun sauce, rice and steamed broccoli
9:30pm Sadly watch Duke game
10:30 "Earth Quake" from Amy's Ice Cream
10:31 Regret Earth Quake
11:30 Coma

Scouting Report: Willie Warren; 6'4" guard from Dallas North Crowley. He put up 29 in the Championship game (19 in the second half). In the Regional Championship game a few weeks ago, he put up 47 and only played 3 quarters. Watch for him next year at OU.

ATX

Austin this weekend for the Texas State High School Basketball Tournament with Zach Allen and Jordan Gay. Yes his last name really is Allen. Maybe I'll try to take some photos. Have a good weekend Blahglievers.

And1 in Abilene

Yesterday the And1 Mix Tape Tour stopped in Abilene when their tour bus blew a radiator hose. Highlights include dressing up as a photographer (complete with faux press pass) so I could bypass the 300 person line and stand on the gym floor where a normal person wouldn't be allowed. I guess confidence passes as an event ticket these days.

The And1 team, complete with Philip Champion (Hot Sauce), Dennis Chisolm (Spyda), and Taurian Fontenette (The Air Up There), played the "Abilene All Stars." These so called all stars...weren't. It was a blast.

I snapped about 300 pics. Here's a quick taste. Click on each image for large view.

Below- "Hot Sauce" freezes the Abilene All Star


And freezes another



Takeoff

I wonder if he thinks he's posing for the newspaper...

"The Air Up There" flying

Abilene All Star getting clowned (the And1 player just dribbled the ball through Abilene's legs)

"The Air Up There" flying again. Notice the ratio in the frame: all 5 defenders and 0 other And1 players

Hot Sauce ices another victim



"Hot Sauce" loves to embarrass people

"Hot Sauce" dishes the ball off some poor sucker's dome

Thanks for tuning in Blahglievers.

BBall

A couple of the Blahg's teams are looking good. The Lakers are turning into real contenders with the Pau move, and Duke had a big (not huge) win at UNC last night. I'll call it huge when we get a win with Lawson playing and the rest of the 'Heels not shooting like blind, inebriated pirates on a vessel roaming the high seas in a squall. Highlights here.

Peace.