“When faced with one’s mortality, one tends to seriously consider one’s mortality.”- Someonestotle

I’m tired of all the rumors, let me settle this- I don’t have night vision. I found this out last night when I went for a sunset walk down along the lakeshore. [cue Mahler’s 5^th Symphony] A dull crowd of clouds became a colorful Hokusai masterpiece as the sagging sun dipped low over the water’s glassy surface.

I began the roughly 7-minute walk back up to the house as the first stars broke through the paling sky. The area is rather densely forested. Think Baron Davis’ beard. Mid-way up the unlit path I heard a rustle in the undergrowth a few yards (way less than 1000) from me. Now I know this area to be populated by a family of mountain lions; they feed on high-school boys who drive 13ft. tall pickup trucks that sound like C130s sans mufflers. (That demographic needs to turn to salt.) So obviously I was confident I’d soon be face-to-face with a famished lion.

You know how they say your life flashes before you? Well life flashed me. And out stepped a deer. A Hokusai portrait (have I used that one) of nonchalance. It was eating something (I assume human flesh), and it was so relaxed it was chewing with its mouth open. Punk. Then out stepped his mom. They both flicked up their crappy little white tails (that’s deer for the bird) and walked away. Bravely I survived the ordeal, because to quote GOB Bluth, “if anything had happened to me, I can’t imagine how sad I’d be.” [recue Mahler’s 5^th Symphony].

I love you Blahglievers. Welcome back.