Like the teeth of a shark

I want to treat this information sensitively, because humans disappearing is sensitive stuff. Some of the faithful Blahglievers have journeyed with me through the valley of the shadow of the University of Phoenix for quite some time now. Friends, we've been flanked.
I can't say I was ready for the cavalry. I thought I had my hands full with the infantry. Then, when I least expect it, Jenine transforms into Holly. That's right, people, my case has been reassigned. Like she knows me, this "Holly" bird leaves me a voicemail yesterday claiming to be my admissions representative. How dare she? Has she any idea of the relationship Jenine and I had formed? Has she any idea of the strength of my resolve to never speak with her?

Joking aside, I might actually miss Jenine. I had grown accustomed to her voice. She was the one bit of humanity in an otherwise technological and robotic world. Jenine, wherever you are, I hope you never forget the battle that was prematurely ended between us. I hope you remember the patience and perseverance with which you pursued me; the endless perseverance. Cheers. And to you Holly, buckle up. You've only strengthened my resolve to never answer your calls. From now on, I fight in memory of Jenine, my first telecommunications stalker. There's something special about the first; I'll never forget you Jenine.

The Cellular Theater is not over

Man, before I knew it, a month had passed and I hadn't published. Since last press date, a thousand things have happened, but one stands out: the 1 missed call from Jenine. It was almost comforting to listen to her message after a nearly 2 month silence. So all is not quiet on the cellular front; the battle of wills rages on. A la muerte Jenine!!

1 Unheard Message sent Monday March 3rd at 8:45am

"Hi Luke this is Jenine Richardson again from the University of Phoenix. I've been trying to reach you now for several months and the reason why I'm still trying to reach you is because I haven't received a call back, but you do still have a file open with us because at one time you were interested in possibly getting into a masters program. Luke I know at this point you may have gone another direction you may not want this degree anymore, and I am in no way trying to bug you but because you do still have a file open I'm not really sure where you stand at this point so if you could please give me a quick call back when you get this message I would really appreciate it. If you have gone another direction or no longer want this I can update your file for you that way you're not getting voice mails or emails for something you don't want to do. However if you do have any interest in still getting a degree or looking into what a masters degree could provide for you I can help you there as well. You can reach me toll free at 1-800-366-9699 my extension is 73461. You can also reach me directly at 602-387-3461. Luke I'm really looking forward to speaking with you I hope you're having a great day and I will talk to you soon. Thanks."

How much heartburn is in 3 liters of coffee?

18
Source: King of the Qwerty Jocks.

18 seems low. I thought my excellent balance would guarantee at least twenty. Alas, I'm 5'8", all torso. I resemble a t-rex only in proportional arm length.
Try it yourself.

Current Reading
The Romantic Manifesto: A Philosophy of Literature
by Ayn Rand




Current Watching
Grizzly Man

p.s. Jenine called me this morning

Coffee^2+(eye drops)+(wrinkly clothes)=Monday

After regretting the 5 seconds I wasted watching a trailer for CBS's Comanche Moon, I wondered if Abilene still had a moon and I snapped a pic with my new 70-210mm (thanks Santa):

Current Reading
The Art of War
by Sun Tzu

p.s. Jenine is calling me right now

Beat this record Nicodemus Naimadu

It's a game of skill and courage. It's a game of true exhilaration; exhilaration I (read this next part out loud 5 times fast) reap weekly.

If you've seen me on campus and waved and I didn't respond, it's because at that moment, beneath my sunglasses, I'm playing this game. It's the Close-Your-Eyes-While-You're-Walking-And-Take-As-Many-Steps-As-You-Can-Game. The rules are impossibly confusing, but believe me it's fun. Routinely I do a 10 or a 15 without breaking a sweat*. My all time record is 34. I defy you Blahg-lievers to step into the ring and bring down my record. And it can't be on an airport runway or open meadow. My record was set on campus, during a weekday morning when there was some pedestrian traffic to navigate. Adios and good luck.


p.s. The University of Phoenix called me this morning.


*This really is saying something-my spiritual gift is perspiring; I sweat in the shower .

I knew YOU were that smart

Congrats, Blahg-lievers!! If you're reading this...and you're still reading this... you're a Genius!! Thanks to my comrade, Justin for providing this terrific news.

If you don't believe me, believe the objective voice- The Blog Readability Test

P.S.- The University of Phoenix is calling me right now...En Garde Jenine!!

Here's to yo(U of Phoenix)

"Even in the heat of battle, recognition of an admirable adversary is appropriate"
-Luke Reeves, quoted on lukereeves.blogspot.com

I salute you Jenine, admissions counselor for the University of Phoenix online. You've called me about 40 times in the last year and a half and I've returned your call exactly never. You claim I've expressed interest in your university and so you recruit me; relentlessly you recruit me. And now we find ourselves in a prolonged season of war. It's your barrage of calls versus my commitment to never talk to you. The minute you stop calling me, I've won. Conversely, my white flag will be waving if ever I answer or call you back.

Jenine, you've displayed note-worthy determination. Your tactics have even matured over time. However, be warned that you're up against a worthy adversary. This is a battle I will not soon lose.

And so, after the brief hiatus for recognition of the opponent's admirable qualities, the battle must and does rage on. May the force be with me.